Grace

I just love how God works! It’s all about grace and I’m seeing that more and more in my life. When I first started walking with God I was in the midst of a lot of pain and suffering that I brought on myself. My life consisted of many drunken nights, many ideas of how to take myself out of this world, many abusive relationships, and many many drastic mistakes (pretty much daily). As I began to understand what it means to live for God and not just recognize Him I came face to face with grace. I started living a life that offered me peace and joy even in the chaos. I started thinking different and acting different and even dressing different. I didn’t deserve that second chance. What I deserved was death or jail or worse. So grace I was very familiar with.

However, over the years I think I used the word “grace” a lot but it was church language. God has since brought me back to the place where grace is all around. I’m looking back on how stubborn and closed-minded and prideful we were and I rack my mind with how God still blessed us! Even when we were unfaithful, He was faithful. I can’t comprehend that. And I don’t think I’m suppose to. Just as the bible says, “My thoughts are completely different than yours,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts”. (Isaiah 55:8,9) I read this and I’m overwhelmed. A sense of amazement fills me and I want to fall on my face. Why do I constantly think I know whats best? Why do I spend valuable time trying to figure out God? It’s really a waste. Time is precious and I need to lose myself in it by appreciating what I have which is first and foremost grace.

I think about many moms who have to work to get their family by and for some reason God has allowed me to stay home with my girls even in the midst of financial stress. I think of how I complain about not having a home then I get the opportunity to give a homeless man half our groceries as he walks off into the woods. I think of people who wait at bus stops and have to depend on others for transportation (which at one point was me since I didn’t have my license for 3 years), as I’m driving my own car. And the big one thats hit me lately is all we were given even with a prideful heart-big house, nice car, Matts music career, all for it to be taken away. The house has us in a hole that is very scary right now, the car was totaled, and the doors within the music industry were closed. BUT what remained was our marriage. What grew stronger and closer was our family. That is only because of grace.

Even as we move forward into the unknown and still wait on God for jobs and homes and whatever else lies ahead we can’t see, I can say I am madly in love with the One who gives and takes away. About a year ago I prayed for James 1:4 (worth looking up) to be true in my life. And now, here I stand “ready for anything”.

Right before my last post I questioned if I should blog anymore. I let the voice of “well you don’t get many comments” to play over and over in my head even though I know that doesn’t matter. Matt encouraged me to keep writing last Sunday but I told him, “Well God is going to have to give me a sign”. Hours later at church we were talking with a friend who said (with tears in his eyes), “Erin I read your blog and even though I was sad for you, I rejoiced”. I knew then I was to continue but this is where more and more blessings rain down because I have since gotten comments from people who “randomly” found my blog and encouraged me greatly. That doesn’t normally happen.

Thank you for your prayers and words. I desire humility for me and my family more than anything else right now. It’s tough but there are times during the day when I go from self pity to appreciation in a matter of seconds. I believe it is then someone is lifting me up. There is nothing like the encouragement that comes from brothers and sisters in Christ.

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