Living a Life of PRAISE

Me without Jesus…

is not a pretty thing. Today I exploded. I reacted towards Matt in a way that scared us both. I don’t know if it was the action or the fact it happened without thinking that frightened us. After we apologized and headed to church (the last place I wanted to go but the exact place I knew I needed to go) I began to beat myself up. I felt guilty and ashamed and embarrassed. I wanted to hide from people this morning but at the same time tell them what I did so I didn’t feel like I was keeping a secret. I don’t like that feeling-like if you saw me behind closed doors and what you saw didn’t match up with what you thought of me. I crave being honest but I knew before we even walked into church I was not to speak of the incident, but let others speak to me.

I’m thankful I obeyed because I was overwhelmed by God’s love. Within being there for 10 minutes I was encouraged by so many people. I felt unworthy of the things they were saying but I knew God was sending them to me to remind me of His grace. As we sat down I was yet again encouraged by a couple people I haven’t seen in a while and even a girl who was impacted by one of Matt’s blogs. I didn’t even have time to think about my shame. The music started and I was so thankful to be there. As they sang “Jesus Paid It All’ I began to lose myself. It was one of those moments where it was only Jesus and I in the room. I couldn’t hear anyone else and didn’t care to. I forgot others were around me and that I was even in church. My spinning mind stopped and focused on one thing-praising My Savior. The words, “Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead,” were being cried out to God from the depths of my being. I remembered where I was 6 years ago when I was stuck in a dark lifestyle of drugs and alcohol and sex. Then I remembered when I entered a treatment center telling God that I did not want to be the same person I was when it came time to leave the facility. In there I began to come back to life. I was raised from the dead to never return to that grave again. Even though I messed up big time this morning, old Erin came out, that is not who I am today. So the words of the song healed me in that moment. Truth was spoken.

What I’m constantly learning is the importance of praising instead of complaining or wallowing around in my self pity and to cling to truths. Everyday my emotions want to lead me down a road that results in negativity or pride or the need to be justified. If I am not soaking up the Word then I will surely be at the end of that destructive road. It’s amazing how my day can begin to sink but then by opening the Bible and reading something, I’m brought back to life. It fills me unlike food or TV or a magazine. I’ve started watching sermons online and listening to Beth Moore cd’s and even watching the Christian channels on TV. I’m desiring more of God now then I ever have before and its changing me. Joyce Meyer says, “New level. New devil” and I believe that. I believe the more I chase after God, the more attacks will be on my life. I can give in or rise above by getting up. I choose to get up.

I have been highly challenged and inspired by this series by Francis Chan on the Holy Spirit. God is speaking to me on this subject and what he (I like to call him Chan Man) is talking about is something we all need to listen to. There are 7 series and I’ve only watched the first two. Matt and I actually watched the second one tonight together and it lifted me up from my pit. Please check it out and I would love to hear back on what you think.
Click on Quick Link-Get a Sermon
Scroll down 7/29/07 Francis Chan The Holy Spirit


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  1. * Amanda Littlefield says:

    You go girl! the truth will set you free:)

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 11 months ago
  2. * ashley says:

    i love your honesty.
    and you know what beth moore says: ‘when God gives you a callin’…he follows it with a killin’.’ sometimes our growth spurts are just as painful as they are exciting.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 11 months ago

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